The original plan to determine Nathan Meprizer’s displeasure with ramen, and the eating of it, was to spy on him and observe his eating habits. The process of observation was basic to science and the plan was sound, but Rita only had days to determine whether Nathan’s exception to ramen would be her undoing. Would it kill him to eat ramen in order to meet his contractual obligations with the entertainment conglomerate, which owned the rights to The 5th Dimension Time Protectors, and who in turn, guaranteed Nathan’s participation in the promotion of Super Ramen Nikomu? Could he be in the same room as ramen? Rita made the executive decision to forego an undercover spy mission. Instead, she would have Willis and Chandra confront Nathan Meprizer in-person. Confront him out in the open, while sitting over a hot bowl of the key concern at Frank and Natsuko’s Fuji Palace.
It was true. It was confirmed. Nathan Meprizer, known to kids everywhere as Pulsar Jones, would enter into an anaphylaxis state if he were to ingest ramen. His tongue would swell to the point of potentially restricting his airway and causing him to pass out due to lack of oxygen. The Pulsar Jones costume might hide the hives that would certainly cover his chest and arms, but the passing out part, resulting in a near death or an outright death condition would not fly at a live press event.
It was truly incredible that the Super Ramen Nikomu licensing deal with The 5th Dimension Time Protectors was penned almost a year ago, and this was the first time Nathan Meprizer was made aware of his need to actually eat the ramen. Before meeting with Willis and Chandra, Nathan thought he was helping to promote an electronic rice cooker. He had no allergic reaction whatsoever to long-grain rice, basmati rice, jasmine rice, or even Chinese black rice. Surely college students would be resourceful and use the Super Ramen Nikomu to prepare rice, oatmeal, and many other hot steamy foods beyond ramen. Nathan wondered whether he could just make oatmeal.
Communications were poking Willis and then Chandra through their mobile devices before they had even cleaned their hands with warm white wash clothes provided by the assistant hostess. Rita was beyond impatient and her communications were chockfull of misspellings and accidental emojis. Chandra stepped away from the table once she realized there was no way that Nathan could prepare and consume ramen at the upcoming press event. Her game plan for a call to Rita was to be very brief with her words, and then take a long breathe in, then a long breathe out, in – then – out, in – then – out. Rita would inevitably explode into a bombastic rant, laced with rhetorical statements expressed through gnashing teeth. When Chandra shared Nathan’s idea of using the Super Ramen Nikomu to make oatmeal, the line went dead.
Twenty minutes later Chandra was summoned by a text from Rita. Chandra left the men once again and entered a private party room for a second call. Oatmeal was definitely not a possibility and Chandra was told to never bring up the possibility of using the device to make oatmeal; never ever again. To cross that line would result in Chandra’s entry into the shortlist of names for the next round of company job cuts. It was not the idea of a ramen alternative that bothered Rita — just not oatmeal.
The live press event was under way. Working under sworn secrecy and premium pay, Rita had hired a culinary expert who trained prep cooks for a national chain of pancake diners. Joelle Hennessy, was discovered by Willis and introduced to Rita as having the ability to transform a wide variety of food groups and food derivatives to look like most any processed and packaged food found on a grocery store shelf. Rita had no time for Joelle to prove herself with a demonstration or a double blind food focus group. Rita had to rapidly get past real concerns she had for why a culinary expert, such as Joelle Hennessy, would obsessively and continually refine their fraudulent food craft during their precious off-time, when they were gainfully employed and quite busy with full-time work as an executive chef for a nationally franchised pancake diner. In the end, Rita put aside all of her valid concerns, and Joelle was hired.
Chef Joelle’s assignment was to re-create the look and texture of the Ichibob Gumi Gumi brand of dry packaged ramen noodles, complete with flavor packet and their signature mini prayer envelope containing dried ground seaweed. The ingredients of the faux ramen food would need to be hypoallergenic and only tap into a short list of acceptable food sources provided by Nathan. Chandra would arrange for a freelance food packaging expert to create mock-up packaging, based on the Ichibob Gumi Gumi brand style guide, which Willis had uncovered through a web site dedicated to the Soup Nation Liberation lobby group. The freelance expert would replicate the flexible wrapper complete with the same Gumi Gumi gloss finish and mini silica packet insert. Ichibob Gumi Gumi ramen brand was the ramen of choice for the Super Ramen Nikomu, because it said so on the bottom-right corner of the Super Ramen Nikomu box. This endorsement and inclusion of the Ichibob Gumi Gumi logo on the front of the product’s box gave the Super Ramen Nikomu instant credibility in the eyes of consumers. And in trade, provided Delaware Dried Food Delights, Inc., the parent company of Ichibob Gumi Gumi brand ramen, with a kitchen appliance category vehicle to proudly promote their number six in the U.S. rated ramen, as measured in annual domestic sales units.
Nathan had some concern for his longevity with the wildly successful 5th Dimension Time Protectors television series. He didn’t want to do anything to jeopardize his ongoing role as Pulsar Jones. Nathan also had some concern for language found in the covenants & rights section of his master agreement with the entertainment conglomerate. He didn’t understand the legal language and his triumvirate protectors consisting of his agent, his business manager, and his attorney — they were all in Europe for an awards show. The straightforward thing to do was to partner with Rita and agree to keep the ramen substitution plan between the two of them. Of course Willis, Chandra, Joelle Hennessy, and the freelance food packaging expert would all be a party to the food counterfeit strategic initiative and its fulfillment, but they worked for Rita, and she was in complete control.
A shrieking scream from one member of the live audience was the first sign that the Super Ramen Nikomu press event was about to plunge into chaos. When Pulsar Jones collapsed on the table in front of him, and the table in front of him collapsed to the ground, the press event became the scene of a crime. Alpha Blade went out of character and became a panicked Jenner Rowland with the instincts of his former glory days as a World Federation Wrestling star. Working to secure a safe zone around the fallen Pulsar Jones, Rowland began to push back on some fandom members of the audience who had rushed the stage to help Pulsar. One person rushing toward the now convulsing body of Pulsar from off stage was Rita del Pando. Rita was not a part of The 5th Dimension Time Protectors’ fandom now swarming the stage in greater numbers. One or two smack-downs by Jenner Rowland had expanded into a full-on brawl with the help of an equally panicked fellow super hero, Ian Reyes, played by William Westley. Cosma Stone, always loyal and brave, played by Sandra Bostock, began to protect the left flank and made contact with Rita del Pando by way of an open-hand strike to her jaw bone. The assault to Rita’s face dislocated her mandible. Rita passed out and flopped to the stage floor in a puddle of brown ramen broth.
The super hero show continues to air and receives higher ratings than ever before. The actor, Nathan Meprizer survives the press event chaos, but is severely debilitated. His contract is terminated, his character is killed-off, and Pulsar Jones is replaced by a new 5th Dimension Time Protector — Nova Daddy.
Rita del Pando is found guilty of gross negligence with a court interpretation of willful blindness on the part of the defendant. Released on bail, she works through the appeals process. Rita is no longer worried about marketing strategies, sales projections, or press events. Willis and Chandra, along with Joelle Hennessy and the freelance food packaging expert were all named as co-conspirators, but charged with lesser crimes as a result of their cooperation in advancing the case against Rita.
Dr. Richard Carbonell went on to win many prestigious business awards for a modified and more complex version of the Pervasive Invasive Paradigm Plotter. However, he could not secure the grant of a patent on a version of PiPP he intended to franchise and sell to small businesses everywhere. The patent application could not demonstrate usefulness.
Super Ramen Nikomu never hit the store shelves and not a single unit was ever sold. The overseas fabrication and assembly contracts were terminated with negotiated kill fees and promises for future business with the next dreamy consumer appliance no one needs or wants. Appliance units that were produced and packaged, were all re-directed from their original retail mega-warehouse destinations to a landfill location in Accra, Ghana.
